the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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