When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
