well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize