I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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