if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
