man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
