Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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