roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
