the condom got lost in my hair
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
