I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
