The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
