the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
