I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize