trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to cum in my sink.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
