we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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