the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
