You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
