im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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