she woke up with a sticky ear
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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