there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
