guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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