My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
