I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize