how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
