you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
