How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
