Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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