I could make wine with my vomit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
