I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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