we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
