brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
