Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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