I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
