my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize