Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
