but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
