help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
