At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
