My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
