if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
