Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize