I heard we made out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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