How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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