They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my shit smells like andre
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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