don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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