If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
