think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
