so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
