I didn't shave. On purpose
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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