got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
