i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
