I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize