and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
