Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize