you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
