Jerry, you need to find god
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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