He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
