So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
