And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize