the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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