so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
