im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
