Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
