She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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