Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
