when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
