She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
