I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
